Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
