Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
