She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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