I'm so fucking centered right now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
