I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney