Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
