I think my vagina is haunted
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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