If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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