we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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