ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
