During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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