Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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