Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
