You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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