Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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