Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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