Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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