a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize