evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
