I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
