finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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