so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We smell like vodka and hangover
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
