her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
