you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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