that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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