Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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