So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
