if i can run in heels then i can drive
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
