I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
