Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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