"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if only i could text you this smell
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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