Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
