At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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