Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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