I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
