Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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