why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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