where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
