Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
