I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
