Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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