I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
