Who wears a wallet chain?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
