The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
