I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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