walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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