Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
