Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
