he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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