last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit