After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.