Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard