Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.