I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.