OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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