Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
