I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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