when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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