i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
