apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would ride that face into the sunset
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
