in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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