So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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