4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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