I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
