I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
