I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
