Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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