He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
