I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
