i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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