Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
PANTIES FOUND
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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