I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
